January 2, 2012

Tomorrow! Tomorrow!

 Jesus it’s been a whole year since I started this. A whole goddamn year since I decided to scrawl and scribble every little thought I had, every quote I digested, every song that struck a chord (pun unfortunate but unintentional). A lot has changed, but obviously this would be true or I would have swore by now. 

How blue my language turns when I myself am red in face and mind.

 I read back and see the scrawnier me in full recovery mode, no doubt ignoring his phone from the barrage of a less than forgiving girlfriend for doing something so inane and pointless it wouldn’t have been worth the effort anyway. I see the guy struggling to see where his future might take him, wondering whether he could carry on his passion, or whether it would dry up and leave him culturally barren.

 I’m sitting here a year down the line, dishevelled and unshowered, but pleased with what it is I’ve become. No longer does self-doubt coarse through unhealthy veins. No longer am I controlled by that unknown and for now unwanted creation we call love. The chemical bond that requires us to be something other than ourselves in order to satisfy someone else for the sake of sex and unhappiness is not what drives me now.

Well that’s not true. I’m driven by love. We all are. Or at least, we all should be. I’m driven by the love of the ones closest to me. I’m driven by my love for music.  I’m driven by the love I have for the life I never thought I’d have again. I’m driven by the choices I’ve made.

Ah screw it I’ll admit it. I’m happy.

I don’t do resolutions, but if I keep this optimism going we might just make it a pretty good year.

“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then/I may never change the world but I haven’t felt better since god knows when”


See Post tags #happy #happy new year #2012 #optimism #music #love